The Psyche of Butterflies
by Soaring Okami
Summary: "Itachi...My beloved Itachi, I only have one thing to ask of you... Open up your heart...and then...allow yourself to be loved! Don't close up your heart..."


**Thoughts (Do not skip):** I've talked about this for a long time! My first Fanfic ever! Deciding on a title was a real pain in the ass because I wanted to choose a beautiful one…. I'm still having second thoughts… Anyway I hope you enjoy it. Also, due to the Info on the Introduction, this chapter will be a small one.

Hey guys/girls! _**Listen up**_! This year (2014) I went to study abroad…. And it turns out that there will be an Anime Expo in **July**, in _Sofia, Bulgaria_! It will be my first Expo! I'm soooooooooooooo damn lucky! ;)

Now, **Read this!**

_**Interesting Facts – Did you know? :**_

The Greek name for the Butterfly is Psyche (ψυχή = psu-khe) and that same word means "Soul" in English. The Latin equivalent to Psyche or Soul is "Anima", which is roughly translated as "air, breath, spirit". That is because the soul was considered the incorporeal or spiritual 'breath' which animates (animus, anima, etc), the living organism.

As stated by Bulfinch's Mythology, in the Age of Fable (about the Greek personification of the soul) :

«There is no other illustration of the immortality of the soul as striking and beautiful as the butterfly, bursting on brilliant wings from the tomb in which it has lain, after a dull, grovelling, caterpillar existence, to flutter in the blaze of day and feed on the most fragrant and delicate productions of the spring.

Psyche, then, is the human soul, which is purified by sufferings and misfortunes, and is thus prepared for the enjoyment of true and pure happiness. »

There is also a Greek myth, "The Story of Eros and Psyche", which I recommend to all. The myth of Eros and Psyche (Cupid in Latin, and Soul in English), is probably one of the most beautiful and lyrical love stories in Classical Mythology. In this story we can see the perseverance of a man, even when he is possessed by passion, and the efforts of a woman to overcome many obstacles in order to achieve the happiness of Love.

Aishiteru: "I love you" (one of the strongest ways to say it in Japan, though it is not used often)

Disclaimer: **I do NOT own the Anime or the Characters! This work is for entertaining purposes only; I obviously make no profit from this.**

Chapter 0

"_How did things turn out this way_?"

_Shisui…. I had told you. I had told you a thousand times over, "Be careful"… And yet why? Even though you saved the child's life…. Why hadn't you told me you were ill?_

The raindrops kept escaping the grey sky gracefully, falling down to Earth with all of their power, as though in an attempt to soothe the raging storm inside of Itachi's chest. Even though it was already November it hadn't rained even once since summer had ended. Only today did the heavens cry, sending waterfalls of rain down to Earth…

In a way, it might have been that God Himself had felt Itachi's sorrow. Maybe, He who sees all had sensed Itachi's heart shatter into a thousand pieces. Maybe, even the weather itself was nothing more than Itachi's grief materialized. There was no way for anyone to know.

Itachi's head was bowing down deeply, so much so that his bangs had fallen loose, overshadowing his forehead and eyes. The drops of rain fell to his jet-black hair and, following down his centre-parted bangs-which now covered his face- finally dropped on the lifeless ground. He stood there, motionless as a statue, in utter silence, his charcoal-coloured eyes gazing off to the horizon, lost in the darkness.

Even among so many others he felt alone, alone to the point he had thought to himself that this was a dream, a nightmare of some sort…. After all, how can anyone feel so lonely in this world? However a raindrop falling into his eye quickly disillusioned him. This was no dream, no nightmare either. Itachi shifted his head around, letting his eyes wander through the umbrella-holding individuals. He really was there, standing among so many other people, attending Shisui's funeral….his lover's funeral.

He turned his head back to the front, staring at Shisui's coffin as it was being placed into the ground. Once again reality had punched him in the face.

Itachi's memories retraced back to that morning-the last morning he would ever be with Shisui.

- Flashback -

"_You'd better get up if you don't want to be late_!"

Hearing _his_ voice Itachi slowly opened his eyes, trying to adjust to the light hitting him directly in the face.

When he finally did adjust he saw that Shisui had prepared breakfast for him. He loved it when Shisui did that. Every time he would come home too tired from the university or work to eat, Shisui would always wake up earlier than Itachi to prepare breakfast for him the very next day.

Of course, Itachi cherished everything Shisui did for him, but he especially loved seeing his lover putting on the apron and cooking for him-there was just something in that picture too alluring to deny. If he had to choose what he liked most out of all then it would certainly be Shisui's look in his eyes while cooking. He loved cooking, and whenever he would cook for Itachi his eyes would shine up with gentleness.

It seemed as though he was creating something dear...precious, something so fragile that it needed additional gentleness to deal with it. But then again... Aren't we all the same? Cooking for someone you love - doing something for someone dear to you - is the equivalent of creating a piece of art. A part of your heart depicted in something which later on transforms to art, and which may or may not exist until the very next day.

And so, while Itachi was eating, Shisui quickly got ready to go to work. He just put on a pair of black trousers he found laying around and a white shirt with an open collar. Truth be told, Shisui hated formal clothing, in fact, if he could, he would never wear any kind formal clothing in his life! He was more of a laid-back, simplistic, person.

After putting on his clothes he swiftly wore his shoes and happily shouted "_I'm off_". Itachi just barely managed to squeeze an "Okay, Be Careful" between the few seconds it took for Shisui to walk out of the house and close the door behind.

"_Be Careful_". Those were the words Itachi would say to Shisui every morning before he left the house ever since he had moved in with Itachi in his apartment, four years ago. It wasn't like London was that dangerous, but then again, that was a habit Itachi couldn't shake. Even back in Japan, in his old neighbourhood, his parents would regularly tell Sasuke and himself those words as they went out to play.

With Shisui's future unbeknownst to Itachi, he wore his casual clothes and headed for the university. It wasn't until three hours later that Itachi received that phone call.

After receiving the call from the hospital Itachi just...lost it. Just hearing the words "Shisui had been in an accident" were enough for him to lose control. He immediately run out of the university, hurrying by Shisui's side.

"_Was he all right_?", "_Was he seriously injured_?", "_Where did it happen_?", "_How did it happen_?" A thousand thoughts crossed Itachi's mind and, before he knew it, he was already in front of the hospital's entrance.

Without a moment's rest he bursted open the hospital's doors and made his way through the halls, running like a madman, frantically shifting his head around in agony, trying to catch glimpse of Shisui. In his confusion, Itachi hadn't even thought of asking the secretary in the lobby. All he could think of was confirming Shisui's welfare.

Still, in his haze of a mind, all he could see was blur faces and people walking beside him. It wasn't until thirty minutes later that one of the nurses noticed him looking around hysterically and asked him what he sought, leading him to Shisui's room.

Upon seeing Shisui smile at him, Itachi sighed in relief. It was as though a huge burden had been left his heart. He moved in closer to him, taking Shisui's hand into his and repeatedly kissing it while with closed eyes.

Of course, seeing this Shisui laughed it off with his usual humour- and Itachi felt relieved that he had done so- but nonetheless, he still felt somewhat uneasy. Itachi's eyes were like open windows for him, and, looking into them; Shisui could tell with one glance all the peril Itachi had felt. He could easily see the anxiety- the confusion- Itachi had felt.

Right after Itachi had started to relax a bit, the nurse arrived with the doctor appointed to Shisui by the hospital, and announced the results of the x-rays, stating that Shisui had to be prepared for surgery right away, due to broken ribs and internal bleeding.

As the nurse was preparing Shisui for the surgery, Itachi asked the doctor to inform him about the details of the accident _he_ had been involved in.

The doctor, seeing as Itachi didn't know what exactly had happened, went ahead and explained:

"Earlier in the noon we received a call by the police that a traffic accident had taken place and that we should hurry there, as there were people who had been injured. When we arrived, upon asking the police of the incident, we were told that, according to eye witnesses, a child had been playing with his ball in the track of the street, when he, accidentally, kicked the ball too hard, sending it fly in the road. The boy, trying to retrieve his ball, sprung in front of the drivers unexpectedly who didn't have enough time to react. It was around that time that your friend, Shisui, jumped out of nowhere, grabbing the child into his arms, covering him and getting hit by the car instead."

"And how is the child?"

"Hn. Thanks to your friend shielding him from the direct blow of the crush, the child didn't have any serious injuries. The only injuries that we found were a few scratches in some of his fingers."

_This sounded exactly like Shisui_

"Excuse me Doctor; the patient is ready for his surgery." said the nurse who had just finished preparing Shisui.

The doctors quickly took Shisui to the operating room and gave him anaesthesia, starting the surgery.

The operation was progressing smoothly for about thirty minutes all ready, but, nonetheless, Itachi, viewing everything from the screen room, along with some other nurses, was still feeling rather nervous.

Seeing as he had started to sweat all over and breathe irregularly the nurses reassured him of the success of the surgery, and his worries had indeed started to die out after one more hour passed by, at least until "that" happened...

Suddenly, out of nowhere and with no warning, Shisui's heart stopped beating.

The cardiac monitoring started to ring inside of the surgical room and, upon hearing the sound of the machine, Itachi impulsively run out of the screen room, bursting into the operation centre.

The doctors immediately electrocuted Shisui, trying to restart his heart.

Seeing this, Itachi thought his heart would jump out of his chest. He felt helpless, unable to do anything to help the one he loved. He could only stand there in constant peril and watch as the surgeons continued to electrocute his lover's chest.

Even though Itachi was no expert he knew very well that, the chances of Shisui's heart beating again were rapidly decreasing with every passing second.

Then, Shisui's heart unexpectedly started beating again... Itachi couldn't have been happier and, thinking that the worst was over, he sighed in relief.

_However his happiness wouldn't last long._

Soon afterwards Shisui slowly opened his eyes and removed his mask, beckoning Itachi to come closer to him.

When Itachi was close enough, Shisui, grinning, told him:

"Itachi...Aishiteru..."

Those would be Shisui's last words as the horrible beeping noise from the machine returned. Itachi just...lost it. He instinctively wanted to take Shisui into his arms and heal his every wound.

His tears wouldn't stop flowing from his eyes. They were proof of the desperation and anguish Itachi was feeling.

The doctors, seeing Itachi's state, ordered the nurses to take him out and, though quite difficult, they did manage to pull him out of the room, leaving him to stand in the corridor outside.

Having been dragged out of the operating room Itachi's mind was in disarray. He sat down in the hallway and curled up, praying to God that Shisui would be all right.

The time Itachi waited outside was tormenting him. Every minute, every passing second felt like years to him. Only he knew how torturously slow those minutes passed. Only he knew the anguish they accompanied. For him, a lifetime in hell would have been more pleasant than what he was going through right now. And yet...Itachi could only wait... Wait and pray.

Then, after around fifteen minutes had passed, one of the surgeons walked out of the surgical room. He didn't need to ask anything. Itachi already knew. He could tell by the doctor's look on his face.

Shisui had...died.

At the realisation of this Itachi's eyes darkened...and so did his heart.

Shortly afterwards, the doctors, out of bureaucratic necessity, asked Itachi identify the body, as his parents were currently out of reach.

It was one of the most inhumane things someone could ask of him to do right now. Nevertheless Itachi did step into the room... Not so much to identify him, but rather, in order to be certain of his death.

Itachi slowly moved closer to where Shisui was... He tried to convince himself that, what he was experiencing, was just a bad dream, but Itachi wasn't a fool, he knew that wasn't the case.

Knowing that he wouldn't see him ever again, he caressed Shisui's short, unkempt, dark-coloured hair and kissed his lover's lips for the last time. With his last remaining strength Itachi looked at his partner's face one last time before "identifying" him. He looked carefully, scanning Shisui's face so that he wouldn't forget... He looked at his beautiful ebony-coloured hair, his relatively broad nose, and his well-defined eyelashes, which were turned upwards at each end...And then his lips... He looked at all of those for one last time.

After Itachi had completed the identifying procedure and once the doctors had informed Shisui's parents of his death, they performed the autopsy to find out why exactly he had died.

What they discovered, however, was about to cause Itachi an even greater pain.

During the autopsy, it was confirmed that Shisui had a rare type of metastatic heart cancer, which, in Shisui's case, was the main reason for his death.

The doctors also confirmed that Shisui had been saying a doctor for this peculiar matter and that, given the state of his disease; he should have been experiencing pain in his chest every now and then.

Hearing that, it was as if the puzzle Itachi couldn't view up until now had become visible. All the pieces fit together perfectly... The sudden pains in the chest, the fact he, sometimes, had trouble breathing regularly, Shisui's mysterious disappearances every few months, which he justifies as long walks... Every fit perfectly.

But, now knowing this Itachi's heart was aching even more than before, as new questions arose. "_When was he diagnosed_?" "Why_ didn't I notice_?" "_Was it painful for him_?"

But the one question that dominated his thoughts were, undoubtedly this:

"_Shisui, why hadn't you told me you were sick_?"

After Shisui's parents had arrived, they decided to have his funeral as soon as possible, as Shisui had once instructed them to do before he died.

And maybe that was for the best...

Thus, in a matter of a few days the funeral took place.

- End of Flashback -

Even though Shisui's funeral had finished a few minutes ago, and almost everyone else had left, Itachi continued to stand in the same place, as though immobilized.

He continued to stare upon Shisui's grave.

_There are no possible words or elegant phrases to describe how it feels to bury the person you love under the ground._

_There are, and will never be, any words that can, accurately and completely describe the grief and the sorrow of seeing your beloved one being buried under the ground._

_There are no words to describe something like that. Just as there are no words that can possibly soothe the hearts of those left behind._

_The disarray...the despair...the loneliness and anguish...the sorrow-the pain of the heart that loves and loses... _

_Those cannot be so easily healed by words... but maybe, just maybe, the warm rays of the sun might be able to pacify the pain... and heal the wounds. _

_Maybe... only the sun can drive the storm away._

Chapter 0: the end

«To be continued»

**Afterword**:

...I'm SO damn lucky! (~Expo here I come~...) XD Anyway, the first chapter of my series is here... Btw guys, I want to save up some money so I'll not be uploading for a while (I don't have internet at home and go to an internet cafe). Not to mention it's exam season again.

The **next upload** will be after 1-3 months, and I'll upload: the 2 endings to Devil's Duet, 3 chapters of this fanfic, 2 chapters of my MakaxSoul series, and 3 one-shots (Shugo Chara, Naruto and Deathnote!) so look forward to this! (I might occasionally upload, but it's rare so don't count on it...)

Please **Review**, **Review** and **Review! **(Can you say "no" to the puppy's eyes?)

Also, please check out: Nispedana, that humble fangirl, on Facebook. She's got some pretty cool stuff!

Till' next time, Bye! }=8}


End file.
